not again
by daddybats
Summary: he's alone again. he's dying again. only this time, he's not hoping again. he knows what's coming, and he's not fighting it, not again.


"_Bruce..I.." _

"Don't speak, save your strength," he barked from behind the computer screen. He knew how cold his voice must've sounded to the young child on the other end, but he couldn't help it. He yelled loudest when he was scared, Jason knew that, and this was as scared as he's ever been.

This feeling wasn't at all uncommon. In fact, it wasn't long ago that he found himself in this exact same place, only that time, Bruce hadn't had the chance to talk to him. Last time, Bruce anguished himself over Jason's last thoughts, his last moments. This time, Bruce had a chance. A chance to make Jason's last seconds here the calmest he could. He wasn't about to waste this precious time.

"_Bruce.." _

"I'm here." His voice softened as if he'd given up, but maybe he had. Bruce felt the warmth of Alfred's hand on the nape of his neck. It was a common resting place at times like this.

"I'll always be here," he said.

"_Bruce, I, I'm sorry." _

Bruce felt the stinging of the tears in his eyes. He held them back for the sake of the boy. He was so good at keeping composure; he couldn't let it slip now. "What do you have to be sorry for?"

"_Everything," _Bruce heard echo through the line. "_I should've listened to you. I should've listened to you every time you told me that things were too dangerous, or that it wasn't the place of a child like me. I was too stubborn, Bruce. I let my pride get in the way of my common sense. You don't call me a child because I'm inferior. You call me a child because that's what I am. I know that now. I'm sorry I didn't listen. Maybe if I had, I would be there with you." _

Bruce tried not to think about it too much. Jason was right. Had he listened to Bruce, had he hung back like he was asked, he would be safe here with him now. It was becoming more and more apparent to Bruce that he couldn't protect his sons like they needed him to.

"Don't worry about that now, son," he said. "Just focus on me. Can you still hear my voice?"

The line was silent for a few more seconds. "_Yes," _he answered. "_It reminds me of what you sound like just before you fall asleep. I never told you, but I always came to your room in the middle of the night just to listen to you talk to me. It was the most at ease you ever sounded." _

Bruce listened to his words. Bruce wished he would've sounded like that more often. Maybe it would've shown Jason just how much Bruce really did love him, and maybe, just maybe, Jason would've have left.

Bruce let the calm thoughts leave as quickly as they came.

"I'm coming to get you," he let slip. "Stay there."

He couldn't shake the need to save him. He wouldn't let him die this time. He couldn't. He was so close.

"_Bruce," _the boy pleaded. "_Please don't leave me." _

"Is it so wrong for me to want to save you?"

"_You can't." _

Bruce could. He knew he could. He was sure Jason knew he could too, but something was keeping him here. Maybe this was what Jason wanted most. Maybe it wasn't about coming home. Maybe home wasn't really a place at all. Maybe, just maybe, home was wherever Bruce was with him.

Bruce adjusted the headset in an effort to redirect Alfred's attention to him. With one glance, Alfred switched the volume down on the headset.

"I can save him," he said. "I need to, Alfred. I can't lose him again."

"Perhaps you already have saved him, Master Bruce. He's a better man for knowing you, son, as we all are," he answered.

Bruce felt the tears threaten to spill once again.

"Perhaps this isn't about saving him. Maybe it's about showing him all the love you have for him. Maybe it's about giving him some peace."

Bruce nodded for Alfred to flip the volume back on.

"_Bruce? Are you still there?" _

"Yes, son, I'm still here," he answered. "I never left."

"_I know what I'm asking you to do," _Jason said. "_I know it's hard for you to sit there and do nothing. You've never had to do it before, but I'm not asking you to save me. I don't want to be saved." _

Bruce listened intently on the other end of the line. The cave was quieter than normal without him here.

"_I'm okay with this, really," _he said. "_I've lived the best life I could've ever asked for. I got to spend part of it with you." _

Bruce let his mind travel back to happier times. Times when Jason called this place home. Times when Bruce didn't lie awake wondering if Jason was still safely under his blankets. Times when Jason was as close to Bruce as he felt right now. Truth is, he missed those times, and he regrets never telling Jason just how much having a son meant to him.

"Jason," he said, "Alfred once told me after you came home that a son isn't always born of the father. He used to say that to me every time he'd see us fight, or see you leave the house upset, or feel any tension between us. I never believed him. I always thought that bringing you in, especially when you were so naive and young to the world's ways, was cruel to do to you, but Alfred saw things a different way than I did. From day one, Alfred took you in and saw you as his own, and over time, he taught me to do the same."

Admitting this to Jason was harder than he thought. Bruce had spent years of his life suppressing all those feelings he had about parenting and taking Jason in. It was harder than he thought it would be to tell Jason just how much being his guardian had changed him.

"Life with you, Jason, was the hardest, but most rewarding journey I've ever been on. Helping to shape you the same way that my parents shaped me was something that I didn't realize I needed to do until it was done. Jason, you're everything good that has ever happened to Alfred and I. You are my son, and you will always be that. No matter what."

Bruce heard the choked coughs fill the line.

"I love you, Bruce. I know I didn't say it enough, but I always have. You are the best man I've ever known. Thanks for everything, dad."

"I love you, son."


End file.
